Grandfathered or Inherited Traits?

A report was released showing that "70% of African-American children and 58% of Hispanic children have little or no swimming ability, compared with 40% of Caucasian children." The study further stated that among low-income families, "many parents wouldn't let kids swim even if lessons were free, a theme that was tested four times in different focus groups," The study, conducted by Richard Irwin, professor of health and sports sciences at the University of Memphis concluded, "Overall, fear trumped financial concerns across all respondent race groups in low-income families."

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704717004575268912714114950.html

Growing up in Mississippi every summer my mother would sign my siblings and I up for swimming lessons at the community pool. I don't know if the fact that my father sued the city to build a public pool to ensure that children of all races were afforded the opportunity to swim, her being an educator and recognizing the need to expose us to different experiences (and needing a daily break from us kids) or if she just felt it was her duty as parent was the rational for 5-6 years of swimming lessons. Regardless, I am grateful that she felt it was important to do so.

Almost a decade ago when I lived in Houston my cousin(RIP TMD), her two year old daughter, and I decided one blistering afternoon to eat some ice cream from the freezer. When I asked her whether her preference was vanilla or chocolate, she said "I don't eat vanilla and neither does my daughter." I wasn't a parent then so I was intrigued by this process of determining the likes and dislikes of a little person. I asked her did she buy both vanilla and chocolate ice cream do a "taste test". She stated, "No. I don't buy vanilla, but I know that she doesn't like it." I marveled at her comfort with automatically determining her child's personality instead of letting it evolve through exposure.

As parents do we perpetuate our children's personalities or are they really inherited traits? Are parental practices conditioning based upon their own fears and beliefs, influence or a mixture of both?

My parental philosophy is that I have a duty to expose my children to as much as possible, even things that as an adult I have an aversion to or wasn't exposed to in my life in spite of my fear about the outcome or risk of participation. I feel that in doing such my children will know that the "sky is the limit" and they will reach their maximum potential.

Adjusting Your Focus

I love to capture life's moments on film. It does not require an auspicious occasion: family time, my children's cherubic faces, beautiful weather or information I can't write down or desire to take the time to remember (thanks JMR!). With the convenience of technology whether camera, video recorder, or mobile device, you don't have to miss an opportunity to memorialize your life.

Have you ever experienced a situation where you are determined to take a particular picture but from your vantage point you can't quite get the shot in focus? You zoom in as close as you possibly can, but still have to get up, move in closer, and adjust for you to satisfactorily get the shot? I think this may be applicable to our lives. Although we yearn for achievement sometimes we have to revisit, evaluate and adjust our vision to see it come to fruition.

This is not a comfortable journey. Sometimes when you get up and move in closer while adjusting you may-- albeit temporarily-- "obstruct someone else's vision." Yes, it may be uncomfortable to those within your immediate periphery "to see" when you are focused. But the reality is that the difficulty should be temporary, the people that really support you will either give you that space or be patient with you while you are adjusting to capture the moment.

Another thing about operating "life's camera" is that your view is through a single lens. Experience has taught me that you may find like minded individuals that understand the importance of a "great picture" and want to partner with you on your journey. But ultimately you push the button to capture the moment. It may be unrealistic to have the expectation of sharing your period of adjustment because decisions regarding your direction and achievement are ultimately up to YOU. This doesn't mean that people won't/don't give you support. I think the reality of the situation is that tasks are extremely subjective, and even with them supporting you with all that they have, the impetus is yours alone.

I haven't posted in ages and events and seasons have occurred. I have a list of things I want to be accomplished and this entry is a part of "adjusting my focus". Evaluate and discern if your focus needs adjustment. Please share your reflections and revelations.

“Introspection from the Land of Wifedom…”

How much should you realistically expect from your spouse? More specifically in the role of domestic goddess, which many of us share with other tantamount responsibilities such as parent and breadwinner, what really can/should be delegated/shared in household responsibility with our life partners?

If you both work and are strapped for cash to pay hired help, I understand that you both could get a bye for shirking the delegated duties. However, if one is at home, is it possible for the one outside the home not to feel like the shipwrecked spouse has a duty to take on more household responsibility of the other? Or, if one of the partners “gets behind” on their duties, is it wrong to have an expectation that the other will super heroically assist if they have the time, space and opportunity to do it? Are you wrong to be somewhat “salty” if they don’t’? Does it effect how you feel about the relationship?

One of my dearest friends told me that the one of the best ways to find peace in a marriage was to eliminate expectations. After careful reflection, I saw her point. Expectations of how I wanted him to respond, how he should be, what he should be, was distorting how I would feel about the outcome. What I may have desired was not necessarily the reality of the situation. But alas, my efforts to embrace this ideology was a major FAIL. My emotions were too complicated to be successful. If I love and respect you, I have the highest expectations of you--so for me to think you are “all that and a bag of chips” and your responses not mirroring my expectations is not an easy pill to swallow.

So what is the solution? I don’t have one. The only thing I can recommend and do is to continue to reflect and self-analyze, try to communicate and hope that the spiritual walk will put me in a place where none of this will seem so important. Let’s Discuss.

Just Do It!

Those three little words have been archived in the Smithsonian Institution as one of the top five ad slogans of the 20th century. The power in the simplicity of the expression!

It speaks to me because one of my biggest personal demons has been procrastination, which should be painfully ironic for a person who abhors the feelings of regret. Maybe my extreme desire for perfection, protocol--waiting for ideal circumstances (I'm a Virgo) has kept me from achieving goals and my heart's desire. Whatever roadblocks inhibited me in the past I have decided that I am tired of standing in my own way.

Over the summer we had a huge succession of what some would consider as iconic individuals have passed that many feel was before their time--Steve(McNair), Waymon(Tisdale), Michael (Jackson)--people who in some shape or form defined our life experience...gone. These events inspired a national movement of quiet reflection about life. I know that I spend the summer thinking a lot about the value of my own life and purpose.

A childhood friend stated, "Life is the longest thing you will ever do--enjoy it." He was right, if you know that you are going to do something for years it makes no sense to have a miserable existence--you cannot give up on the pursuit of happiness. Nor is it realistic to think that it will just fall in your lap.

Over the past decade, my life has morphed and transitioned to where I could not define it by anyone one name or experience and which sometimes conflicts me inward because all of those worlds, on occasion, collide. Starting a blog is part of my journey--an opportunity to share my thoughts, experiences, perspectives. But most importantly, to facilitate discussion among people from my corner of the universe.

Today I challenge you to get out of your own way and pursuit something you desire--a healthy lifestyle, new personal interests, career, relationships, plans, or new life perspective! When you find your self hesitating within your transition remember--"Just do it " --simple words with a powerful meaning...Just DO it!