“Introspection from the Land of Wifedom…”

How much should you realistically expect from your spouse? More specifically in the role of domestic goddess, which many of us share with other tantamount responsibilities such as parent and breadwinner, what really can/should be delegated/shared in household responsibility with our life partners?

If you both work and are strapped for cash to pay hired help, I understand that you both could get a bye for shirking the delegated duties. However, if one is at home, is it possible for the one outside the home not to feel like the shipwrecked spouse has a duty to take on more household responsibility of the other? Or, if one of the partners “gets behind” on their duties, is it wrong to have an expectation that the other will super heroically assist if they have the time, space and opportunity to do it? Are you wrong to be somewhat “salty” if they don’t’? Does it effect how you feel about the relationship?

One of my dearest friends told me that the one of the best ways to find peace in a marriage was to eliminate expectations. After careful reflection, I saw her point. Expectations of how I wanted him to respond, how he should be, what he should be, was distorting how I would feel about the outcome. What I may have desired was not necessarily the reality of the situation. But alas, my efforts to embrace this ideology was a major FAIL. My emotions were too complicated to be successful. If I love and respect you, I have the highest expectations of you--so for me to think you are “all that and a bag of chips” and your responses not mirroring my expectations is not an easy pill to swallow.

So what is the solution? I don’t have one. The only thing I can recommend and do is to continue to reflect and self-analyze, try to communicate and hope that the spiritual walk will put me in a place where none of this will seem so important. Let’s Discuss.